Monkeys

I remember during CNY

that I'll be telling you about my day in my hometown

Bout being climed over by 'monkeys'..

Can we have that again?

:(

Should

Should I write?

I don't know..

I just don't know..

I'm sorry..

Please forgive me..

Dad

I don't wanna end up like my dad..

I mean I AM grateful for all he has done..

But I'm sure things can go better..

I will make sure..

Thanks Dad

Floating

Went to NBT today..

Like floating on a boat

Bringing you to different events in life

And picturing..

How different things would've been..

If we were still talking..

The experience we would be sharing..

The company we would be enjoying..

The laughs..

I regret and am truly sorry that those aren't happening right now

but the opposite instead

Please give me a chance to change this..

I'm sorry for hurting you..

Advice

It's funny

how I give splendid advice on relationships..

And people go yea, yea, yea and yea..

 Not because I know or common sense or what not..

But because of my failures..

I really don't know how anyone can take advice from someone like me..

If they knew about my experience and how I know so much..

I think they'll be disgusted..

I really wanna help

so that people don't have to go through the same as me and her..

Trust me,

Nobody wants to go through what I did to know this much today..

Not even me.

I'm sorry yh..

Depression

Sometimes I don't know whether to give thanks or not for who I am today..

Because I might not be in this state if I was a different person..

I might still be talking with her..

I might not have to lose a friend because of my obsession..

But I'll sure be dead due to depression if I wasn't this tough..

If only I was a little smarter?

If only I was a lot smarter...

I'm sorry yh..

Blame

I can't believe I'm someone who is stuck in the past..

I don't like this..

I can choose to blame a whole lot of things..

But really...

At the end of the day..

I only have myself to blame for..

I'm sorry yh..

Merciful

I thank God for my merciful friends..

People like me don't deserve any friends..

I can't erase my past..

But I want to change and make a difference

for the future..

Please give me a chance..

Please, I beg you..

Kept

Andy

William

Tricia

I'm sure they didn't intend to be treated

the way they're treated now..

If only they knew that when they were younger..

I can't say the same..

Someone kept telling me..

But I didn't listen..

I'm sorry

Controlling

You know you're in pain..

When you start blaming everything..

your past

your life

your parents

your friends

yourself

Sometimes even God..

I'm sorry for not controlling myself well..

I'm sorry yh..

Year

It's been a year now..

Plus 2..

Including those years of me

being an ass..

3years..

Has anything changed..

Is anything going to change?

I hope I changed..

I hope I stopped being an ass..

I'm sorry..

Happy New year yh

Backfire

Whatever I do

Or

Whatever I say..

They're just gonna backfire on me..

I hate to say this but...

What else can I do but die and end this?

Fumes

We were on a roof..

Cans of spray paints..

I can remember you saying..

The fumes will one day kill you..

Jokingly of course..

It was funny..

I miss that..

I miss laughing with you..

I hope we can be friends again..

Please give me a chance..

Nothing

Just..

Sitting on the bed..

Lights off..

And..

Nothing..

Just soaking..

in that peacefulness..

Please give me a chance..

Gems

Nobody..

And I mean NOBODY..

Takes gems..

Precious beautiful gems..

And throw them around..

Finding one is already a rare event..

Loses one, finds another and lose it again..

Fool

Again

Again and again I keep telling myself..

Not everyone is Edmund..

I'm sorry..

Honesty

The good thing?

Honesty kept flowing..

The bad thing?

It hurts?

Yea..

But more like she doesn't care one bit anymore..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

And there's nothing I can do about it..

Used

We used to smile at each other..

Please let us be friends again..

I'm begging you..

Some

I know..

The answer is out there..

Somewhere...

Some words..

Some actions..

Someone..

Something...

What is it?

Please help me

Answer

"What makes you think you can get what you want..

After putting up with your attitude for the longest time..

After your irrational actions and words..

Tell me.."

I'm still looking for that answer..

I'm sorry yh..

Please forgive me..

I just want a friend back..

Disappear

Where are you?

Please don't run away..

Please don't disappear..

Please..

I'm sorry..

Anger

So much anger..

Where does one dispose them?

Help me

Removable

Even tattoos are removable at will..

Please help me..

I'm really sorry..

Discard

Will I grow up and discard people one day?

Please forgive me..

Please give me a chance..

I'm sorry..

Puffy

It's like I was there..

But only invisible..

Watching how those puffy eyes came about the next day...

I'm truly sorry...

Tiring

Being good is tiring..

Discouragements everywhere..

Please give me the strength to carry on..